breaking dawn

For some reason, Roger Ebert does not review Twilight Breaking Dawn, so that responsibility falls to me. Actually, instead of a review, this is more about why the daydream is broken by too many bad story choices.

Plot summary: This is the picture where Bella and Edward, high school sweethearts, get married, honeymoon, become parents, etc. I ate this series up, despite the fact that I know better. Unfortunately, there are so many things the movie points out about the plot that brings me out of the daydream.

Edward is a different species. There’s a moment where he mentions his bachelor party will include not strippers — but lions and bear. At the moment, I would flee. Like how can this fantasy work? He likes to eat wild animals. What? I have never even been attracted to gay men, so can’t imagine myself into someone with no body heat and chases wild animals for their blood.

Edward is a wet blanket.
Before they get married, instead of being pumped, he tells her what an awful creature he is.

Their relationship is joyless. They only have sex twice, after which Edward feels extremely guilty for being so much more physically powerful than Bella, so he acts cold and distant. Plus, she gets pregnant from one of those two times. Seriously? Isn’t this too much for an 18-year-old girl? I hope teenagers are not looking at this as a good example.

Childbirth is a killer. Bella gets pregnant by a half-vampire child who like eats her guts out and she literally dies in childbirth (I laughed, since I’m about to give birth soonish, how this was a great choice of flick for me to see).

She becomes a vampire in the end, etc. The kids in the cast are really good-looking but some of them are so awful at acting. I can’t wait to see Michael Sheen in the next one, because the movie is even more entertaining when someone really good at acting takes the material seriously. The scenery is gorgeous in the film! What I also noticed this time was the very hip soundtrack, which clashed with this incredibly un-hip story.

Anyway, I don’t want to sound like a major cranky pants. I don’t usually rip films apart, but part of this is because I am ashamed but am still a fan of this awful series. I am deeply, deeply conflicted.

2 Replies to “breaking dawn”

  1. I never thought about the no body heat issue. Not being able to warm my feet in bed = dealbreaker.

  2. did you read those books? i just remember a moment where they’re in the car together near the beginning and bella realizes when she touches his hand it’s ice cold. that is not appealing to me. i am full of criticisms, and yet….i could not stop reading them

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