“sent with gentle effect”

That’s the phrase that has been appearing with my mom’s texts lately. I wondered if it was her trying to mollify the harshness of her messages, but it turned out it was an automated iphone option. In any case, in truth, we could both talk to each other with more “gentle effect.” I’m accustomed to keeping a faithful account of all her insults – some of which are hurtful, but mostly, land like barb-less arrows and make me giggle more than anything.

Mom: You dress like a homeless woman.
Me: Really?
Mom: And your children dress like homeless children.
Me: Then I should get food stamps. It’s very expensive to feed all of them.

Later that day, Boy Wonder Twin said “Mom, you’re not fat but you’re getting fat.”

That’s normally what my takeaway would be from the day — a collection of character slams. The day was maybe ill-advised — a trip to Manhattan to see a holiday train show around the actual holidays, taking them to lunch in a restaurant, where Boy Wonder Twin was miserable enough he strangled me for 45 minutes and used my purse as a punching bag. But when I bought mom a coffee outside, and she didn’t say how she respond how she wanted her coffee, and I urged “come, on, come on, let’s go,” Coffee Guy said “Take it easy. We have time. Be gentle with mom. Be nice to mom.”

And I’m like gosh darn it, he’s right. Had he not intervened, I would not have seen my own behavior.

I need to speak to her (and others) in a manner “sent with gentle effect.”

Also, Coffee Guy got our order wrong.