encounters of the third kind

close_encounters_3rd_kind_xl_02--film-A close_encounters_3rd_kind_xl_03--film-A So Husband and I are having a baby, and what’s strange about the experience is…THE ENTIRE THING. Since this is a first for me, I am constantly shocked by the process. I’m shocked by the fact that we are all born from inside another human being. I’m shocked men can’t have babies. I’m shocked we don’t have pockets like kangaroos so we can look at the babies. (My mother laughed at that one and told me to stop thinking such strange thoughts. I mean, I know why I don’t have a pocket — b/c I would look every second and then the baking would never get done.)

Here are other thoughts in no particular order:

For the first time last week, I felt the baby move. The movement was subtle, but definitely there, and it reminded me of when I heard a mouse behind the fridge — something is alive in here — and I totally freaked out. Just when I think I can’t get bigger, I get bigger. When I get home, I just stare at the enormity of my middle. I mean, it looks like I ate an entire pan of lasagna by myself. Ever had an amnio done? The resident said “it doesn’t really hurt and some women don’t feel it at all.” Ha! Really? Because it seems to me you would feel something like a big needle stuck through your uterus. (Uh huh. Kind of like getting stabbed, I felt it. Weeee!) When you toss side to side in bed, there’s a momentary delay for the rest of your innards sloshing to catch up to your position.

This is TMI for this blog, but I’m also stating certain things here so that I stop saying them in conversation, because in real life, these kind of sentiments freak people out. I will preserve these thoughts here and stop sharing them out there. Consider it a public service.

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