time-out to commemorate…

23462946.jpg …the fact that on saturday, 2 a.m., i finished a decent draft of my young adult novel. some friends know i wrote one draft two years ago that blew, took time out to outline, and spent the past year going at it again.

It’s not perfect (that’s for sure) but it’s finished! I wrote a complete story! anyway, hopefully, the agent I sent it to will take seriously and like it. Extending yourself sometimes feels like inviting more self-doubt and negative predictions about the future and general self-deprecation, so I’m taking a time-out to give a shout-out to myself that i actually FINISHED it. Halleleujah!

Amazingly, once I finished it, I suddently had free brain space to tackle other languishing projects like my taxes from 2006 or unclogging the tub drain, which I only do like once a year. This year, it was a scary gray, bumpy mass that I swear to god looked like a poltergeist. I was scared.

I might even take out that half-finished jig saw puzzle under my living room couch. Oh yeah, the world is mine. I can take on whatever Herculean task that lies before me. Quick, get in your requests before this feeling fades to black.

Best dressed at the U.N.

images3.jpg Hamid Karzai, President of Afghanistan, Best U.N. Dresser. Nominated by my friend Jen. I have to say, I totally agree.

Take a look at his looks across the ages:

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That leopard print…
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If he could talk to Kim Il-Jong…
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Oh, you kooky Hamid Karzai
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Gore!

images2.jpg I don’t know. I’m not saying he’s not doing a good deed by the earth and all that jazz, but there’s something a little too glam about Gore getting a Nobel Peace Prize. I feel like it should go to someone with a lifelong commitment to whatever they’re getting recognized for–he’s too young. But what with the Oscar and the hanging out with the Leonardo DiCaprio, it’s a little hard to take him seriously as a Nobel guy.

Also, I hope he doesn’t run for President. I feel like his time was over and his election effort was a TON of money and he needs to step aside for other folks to run. It’s weird enough having two or three possible Democratic candidates I could live with it. I don’t want it to get even more divisive. Plus, I remember the whole recount business with Florida. My husband gets mad when I say the American people deserve the guy they voted for, b/c he reminds me Gore technically won his election and Bush stole both elections he won. I would just like note Gore should’ve maybe focused on winning his home state Tennessee over rather than worrying about a state run by the brother of the opposing candidate. Just saying.

this is why I can’t get my nails done

6-heigl_gallery.jpg Dude, many pals love the mani and pedi, and I would do it if I could. It’s an affordable self-care kind of thing, and your nails look GREAT. But b/c everyone in a nail salon is Asian, I just can’t do it. A Korean my mom’s age scrubbing my stinky toes? Please. The thought practically makes me squirm and scream “I’m sorry I didn’t go to law school and broke all your motherhood dreams.”

In addition to which, I find pedicures painful. I once got a back massage at one of those Korean-dominated nail joints, and b/c I was Korean, the woman felt comfortable with me and told me her entire life story–how she and her husband are living in different countries, working two jobs, to one day earn enough income to live together. I was like AAAACCCCK!!!! Sure, someone open to life changes would be like “this is my life’s calling. I will help this poor woman.” But me? I’m limping along these days and am only focused on getting home tonight, putting on my PJs, and watching my taped “Grey’s Anatomy.” I gave her a big fat tip and never went back.

Though, P.S., the woman in the photo clearly isn’t Korean. To me, she looks like Vietnamese or Cambodian. Could be wrong.

Rihanna

3-rihanna_gallery.jpg I think Rihanna is so pretty and the Umbrella song is darn catchy. At kareoke, I at least get the “ella, ella, ella, A, A, A” part right. But why can’t she brush her hair out of her eyes? Just once in a while. Is that so much to ask?

writers in brooklyn

images.jpg OH my god, Norman Mailer lives in my neighborhood, according to http://brooklynheightsblog.com/. No wonder I can’t get any volunteer work for writing with kids. Not that I’ve read any of us stuff…or plan to. I’m still on book 1 of the Harry Potter series. I took five years to finish Anna Karenina (boring). None of my friends would loan me their copies b/c they insisted I needed to own it. Boy, what a snail-paced story. Okay, I know from the Oprah show, the heart of the book is Levin and his farming ways, and when he went to winter in Moscow and kept spending more scheckels than he meant to, it reminds me Manhattan night life, but Anna, ay caramba, among other things, she was very neurotic about her lover.

So, no Norman Mailer for me (unless you have a title you highly recommend). I’m just going to have to admire his fame and achievement from afar.

Scott Speedman

scottspeedman02.jpg What happened to this actor? He was in Felicity, a show I fell for despite myself. My cousin used to make fun of me by whispering the mainstay of their dialogue to me, which was basically –“Are you okay?” “Yeah, yeah, I think so. Are you?”–over and over again.

I’ve seen this guy in the West Village at La Bonnboniere, and he is spectacular-looking in real life, like people, cowabunga. The last picture I remember seeing him in was “Evolution” or “Underground Evolution,” a vampire thriller, or a thriller about gargoyles and vampires, starring Kate Beckinsale. The first installment ended with him being transformed into some weird hybrid of the two said species. And I was like, what the hell is wrong with Hollywood? They take a perfectly hot young man and turn him into something grotesque. It’s like they preserved his body but gave him a different head–and he looked like a minotaur or something.

I know all I’ve been talking about is TV lately, and I don’t want you think that’s all that’s in my unconscious…but sometimes, that’s all I’m really able to articulate.

Isaiah Washington

inside-interracial.jpg I saw him on Bionic Woman last night, where he’s playing this bad-arse, government-affiliated (kinda) agent who tortures people for information and supervises the main character. I don’t know. Dr. Burke with a AK-47? I just can’t see it. I just wish he didn’t foul up the gay insult thing, really figured out what he was doing wrong, correct it, and stayed on Grey’s Anatomy (which is devolving quickly into an inane soap fest). I don’t know. I just don’t need Isiah to play Jack Bauer. My friend Nancy says he has a rep of being contentious and has gotten into fights with castmates in the past, so it’s clearly not an isolated incident, which is too bad, b/c I think he does have talent. He’s ruining my shows with his off-camera stupidity.

Kim Il-Jong

korea_600.jpg I read this story in the NYTimes today on how the South Korean president went to go visit North Korea, and what I don’t understand is Kim Il-Jong’s outfit. Whenever you see him, he’s always in that drab, poo-colored track suit. It’s kind of like when Will Smith was on the 9/11 fundraiser in like his nicest jogging outfit. Is there some kind of tactical point behind the wardrobe choice? Seriously, you’re a world dictator, you can wear whatever you want, so why do you dress like a UPS delivery foreman? At very least, I really think you should get one formal outfit for events covered by the international press. I mean, North Korea is famous for kidnapping folks. Why not kidnap Christian Dior or Alexander McQueen? If I were a world dictator, dude, I would be dressed in BCBG and Prada all the time, byatches. (That last word is not really my style, but I felt the soul of Britney Spears possess me temporarily.)

Or if you’re crazy, as Kim Il Jong clearly is (Proof: When you Google Image search the word “Korean monkey,” his image comes up.), dress the part. Like dress like Bai Ling at a premiere or Zelda Fitzgerald. Some item like a bedazzled, denim bolero jacket, a tutu, a surprising choice of a metallic tank top to me would be a clothing choice that really Now says I’m a crazy North Korean dictator.

Apparently, the two dudes are meeting to talk reunification, which they like to do periodically. My dad always gets furious and says is a waste of time and that South Koreans should grow up and give up the ghost. He kind of works himself up into a froth. The only other topic that sets him off more is Korean Christians (the intensely-nationalistic-characte-of-Koreans-from-Korea-and-the-Starbucks-capitalism-approach-of-Christian- recruitment of us savages combo make them a little…aggressive.) and my laughing in public–which happens often, so we have to go mano a mano in those moments. It consists of him shooting me a dirty look and me rolling my eyes.

But back to Kim Il-Jong, because I don’t want to be completely negative. Here’s the one plus–at least he left those sunglasses at home.

Dangerous Lunch

images5.jpg Oh my god, like last week, this woman had a meltdown at the deli b/c she said she kept cutting her mouth on the plastic spoon. The owner came out and cooed over her, offered to cut up her fruit. We all looked at her like she was totally nuts. What a freak.

But then, today, I got one of those spoons? Totally cut my mouth. It’s hard out there for a pimp.