i’m with the band

I recently connected with an old pal through fb whom I met through a play. Among our catchup talk, he told me that when we were in a play together, the entire cast thought we were hooking up, despite the fact that he had a serious girlfriend and I had Serious Boyfriend (who later became Husband). Due to the popularity of his girlfriend, I was apparently not at all popular, and with this new intel in mind, I wonder if that is the real reason why I was not allowed to audition for certain productions. I was startled to hear that I was subject to a rumor (and flattered too in a weird way) but also weirded out that I had no inkling that people would so grossly misinterpret my behavior. Either way, I told him, it would never be possible for me to ever go for someone like him. He’s too “lead singer.” I’m much more into the “bass player” or “drummer.”

Don’t other people think like this? My friend Becca and I were gabbing and she said she never approached things that way, but it’s very simple — the lead singer is the one who is obviously good-looking and popular with everyone. The bass dude and drummer are cute, but more off the beaten path, maybe don’t want to even be in a band because they’re so into being under the radar or are anti-conformist, etc., etc., etc. So Duran Duran — Simon LeBon? Never. Andy Taylor and Roger Taylor? Always. A-ha — Morten Hawkin? (sorry Christine, I don’t remember his last name and I’m too tired to look it up.) Never. Pal (pronounced “paul”) what’s-his-name? Always. My only exception is Journey — ALWAYS Steve Perry. This may be in part because I have no idea what the rest of the band looks like or does at all…and I’m like a fake fan, because I only know the hits that have been recycling late. But when I really think about it, the draw of the bass/drummer is that you (or just me) fall for this one because you think you have spotted something special only you can see. (So in fact, this is a very narcissistic crush, isn’t it, very Mary Sue. Actually, the Mary Sue would be if you were the one as spotted as special by a lead singer, etc. etc.)

And there you are. A new way to analyze your love life. I happened to marry someone I THOUGHT was a bass player, but turns out he has a few lead singer overtones. Oh well. We all win in the end.

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