clothing (written in 2012. no longer give an f about clothing)

I really love clothes, and I love shopping for clothes. Now that I’m a mom, any shopping I do is inevitably online, but the time I spend looking through the well-lit photographs on beautiful models is still a pleasurable time. It’s all still lovely until I look at my anemic checking account balance, and the beautiful piece of clothing arrives in the mail and I try it on.

I’m not as bad as Tony Takani’s wife in this great Haruki Murakami short story who hyperventilates when she has to return a dress and I’m not a high-end clothing shopper (I’ve always preferred to be gifted at bargain-hunting than having a lot of money). Now that I have a kajillion children, it is difficult to find time to go to a physical store.

Sadly, Husband and I are going through what I call our FBT time or Fat/Broke/Tired phase. Regarding the fat, what can I say other than, people keep offering me their seat on the subway. When it happens once in a while, I can maintain a good sense of humor about it. When it happens once or twice a day? Ay caramba. Got it, World. Got your memo! But even if I didn’t get that message, the clothing I labor over choosing says the same thing. Because the thing about clothing — it’s designed for people with waists. Oh, I suppose you can wear willowy dresses and tops, but even those are really for tiny people. Like the wind blows the fabric against the body, revealing all, so if you’re skinny, you’re like, “Oh, I accidentally showed you my slender body” etc. etc. If you’re a bit chunkier, you’re like “I swear I’m not expecting…anything.”

I have a closet full of clothing for a life I don’t lead. It’s like I think I’m in the Great Gatsby or something. My real life is time in the office and pieces where spit-up has a chance to be camouflaged.

Anyway, I found this delightful art project by Sarah Lazarovic who painted pictures of expensive items of clothing that made heart go faster, in an attempt to not buy them. I tried to do the same thing, a journal of sketches and words about outfits I loved. I only got one done before I ditched.

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