First Son is hitting that stage. After observing Wonder Twin Girl attempt the use of the toilet standing with her imaginary penis (I’m only guessing at what was going through her mind, but that is what it looked like), he looked at her down there extensively. Tonight, I got a request to clarify — so I said, yes, boys have penises and girls have vaginas. (I read somewhere that people typically do not name girl parts, which can introduce a lack of self-esteem or at least lack of vocabulary — both fates seem like bad news to me, plus like, let’s name the stuff what it is, shall we?) After that, First Son quizzed me on who had what in our family.
First Son: What do you have?
Me: Vagina.
FS: Can I see it?
Me: Nope, it’s private.
FS: What do I have?
Me: Penis.
FS: So I am a boy?
Me: Yes.
FS: Wonder Twin Boy?
Me: Penis.
FS: Wonder Twin Girl?
Me: Vagina.
FS: Ah-bah? (what he calls my dad)
Me: Penis.
FS: Ima? (what he calls my mom)
Me: Vagina.
And then I just folded. Started to laugh and could not keep it up. This is completely average conversation but still, it’s a first for me and I was trying to keep it simple. I haven’t had to say “penis” and “vagina” this much since grad school when poetry MFA students felt empowered writing these words down over and over again in their poems. I think a poet read at our school who had a chapbook out that was called “The Story of My Two Vaginas” or the “Vagina Within My Vagina.”
we’ve read that but FS has not tied that “private” boat with “privates.” instead of “privacy,” he asks for a “private seat” when he needs to go to the bathroom, which only confirms i have no idea what i’m doing here. touching statue privates are okay in my book (though it would definitely make all of us feel a little funny if it were excessive? why am i even trying to qualify this? am mental i suppose). anyway, tell your four-year-old i say thumbs up to his logic!