Thanks for the memories, Salma!

images5.jpg So the current play I’m working on feels like a Mexican soap opera. I’m not trying to be totally racist. Allow me to explain. I read some interview with Salma Hayek where she described as her old soap opera days in Mexico as insane, because you’re in a scene and have to wear an ear bud because they constantly give you new lines to say.

This play is nuts. I have no idea how it’s going to turn out. There are fight scenes, music, singing, dancing, there’s a dog in the show, two actors were out because of illness, one threw his back out. We show up to rehearsal and get scene rewrites. Today, I’m supposedly getting a new song for the recorder, which I just learned how to play two weeks ago and kind of suck at. My husband tutored me in a few monologues last night, and he was like “I don’t feel like you have a point of view. What’s your objective?” And really, I feel like a beginner all over again, because I have no objective other than to memorize my lines in time. We open Saturday. You feel me?

Completely unrelated and true, the fight choreographer asked us to pose in martial arts stances and make those “whooo-aaaaawe” sounds they used to make in those old pics. I felt like a douche bag (DB) but I tentatively raised my hand and said, sorry, I just can’t do that. I can’t make Asian gibberish sounds, because it makes me uncomfortable. To completely overthink the matter—does it bother me when other people do it? I don’t know. Old-time martial arts flicks are so ubiquitous and a part of American culture that everybody kind of does the crane pose with accompanying noise—BUT I CAN’T DO IT! IT MAKES ME FEEL CREEPY and like a total traitor. Other people are doing it in the play, which I don’t care about. But if it offends you, please know that I’m honoring the cause. if you come see me in the play and listen carefully, you’ll hear me say “NoIdon’tthinkso,” “Whatchoocallit,” and “Ilovechocolatemilk.”

My husband gives me advice like “Don’t worry about it” and “Have fun with the part,” which is like against my nature, but I’m to try. That sounds so healthy.

5 Replies to “Thanks for the memories, Salma!”

  1. My friend had an acting class where the teacher was having them do one of those musical chairs type physical exercises where you have to walk around until they give an emotion or something to portray. So she’s doing her thing and the teacher says “Now, lie on the floor and pretend you’re a piece of bacon!” It could of been worse, you could’ve been stereotypical Asian floor bacon.

  2. oh my god, i love that she had to be bacon. that’s so retarded. it is such a weird pursuit. i sort of feel like it’s the stage version of “living in oblivion” right now. i’m goign to send out directions to people with an explanation and disclaimer

  3. definitely come, but the script is not much better than the one you saw already–BUT the actors are ALL BETTER, and in a way i think that’s bad, b/c it reaffirms this kind of writing…but what the hell

  4. (It’s the real MC Abe here)

    Oh my gosh, I think it’s so amazingly cool that you mentioned the HKK in your bio. I believe that’s the first time it’s ever been in print! So awesome! I should go see it just for that … wait, is it done yet? Did we miss it?

    HKK in da house!

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