When I hold Baby, who is fifteen months and nearly thirty pounds, I think â€œThis must be what Refrigerator Perry felt like in his mother’s arm when he was a baby.â€ Baby is enormous, a hearty specimen. Fortunately, he doesnâ€™t feel the need to battle me with every diaper change, but when he does, the result is diaper wedgie. Nobody wins with that, let me tell you.
Being that large, Baby seems destined forâ€¦.sports. The only one I forbid is football, on account of the high risk of concussions on high school teams and brain damage in the NFLâ€¦but I need to keep this forbidding to myself or he will be inexplicably, irresistibly drawn to it. Husband would like to also add boxing to the Forbidden List. I would like to add crossing the street until youâ€™re thirty without me to the Forbidden List.
Does he talk? Does he walk? Oh heck no. Not interested. At a basketball court last weekend, he did force himself up to both knees and whipped a basketball with both arms over his head to the other side of the room. (Jock-to-be, I am sure of it.) But other than a special circumstance like that, he pretty much likes to stick to the crawl. He can get himself pretty quickly across a room with a crawl that looks like a gorilla gallop.
When we eat, he insists on having a spoon or a fork. He also insists on having your spoon or fork. I just eat with my fingers now like a child.
Lately, he has become very attached to me. I mean, figuratively attached. He tugs edge of my skirt whenever heâ€™s not distracted by Baby Einstein. I try to buy some time before I have to lift up hefty Baby Man by slowdancing with him. I sing â€œIâ€™ve had the time of my lifeâ€ from Dirty Dancing, â€œLady in Red,â€ an atrocious ballad from when I was growing up, and â€œMay I have this dance for the rest of my life?â€ (what song am I thinking of?) This lasts maybe minus ten seconds, which is good because I have no memory for lyrics. I have learned not to wear summer strapless dresses. When Baby tugs, I have to hold on to the top or give everyone at day care an unexpected show.
Oh my Refrigerator Perry