I donâ€™t know. Is it really a good business model to have only one person’s existence so closely tied to a company’s success? Appleâ€™s stock fluctuates every time Steve Jobs sneezes. What if he dies one day? Are they prepared for that? Will Apple just fold that day? I realize he’s a symbol, more than anything at this point, because I’m sure he’s a genius (not sure actually, but will assume) but I’m guessing things like the imac, iphone, and ipod are the result of the collective imagination of Apple, not just from the mind of Steve Jobs. If the latter is true, then I think they’re in trouble.
Although I’m obsessed with chivalry in the subway system, I don’t think it’s good subway karma when people give up their seats for me because they think I’m pregnant.
I get that I’m chubby, but the last time this happened, it was winter. I had a long coat that completely camouflaged my body from head to shoulder, and yet still, a caring woman leapt up to my rescue and said. “Are you pregnant? Please have my seat.”
I smiled at her, as I usually do, and said. “No, I’m not. I’m just fat, but I am very tired. But since I’m not pregnant, you can keep your seat. I would understand.”
But at that point, she has to give me her seat because she made such a big deal about it to that part of the car. The best part was we both got off at the same station to transfer to the same train. She avoided me as best as she could.
I don’t think this will earn her any subway karma.
When I was a kid, I faithfully watched “Love Boat” (right before “Fantasy Island”). Never missed an episode. My uncle, who was studying economics at Harvard at the time, became extremely concerned. He told my mother that we should be very careful that I not get unduly influenced about notions of romance based on television. In fact, though he was in grad school for economics, he had written a paper for one of his classes on it. I actually got to hold that paper and read the title.
I can’t remember what the title was exactly now — it was mega-long and I was only seven, so I’m sure I didn’t quite understand what I was reading. Something like “Media and Society’s Influence on the Construct of Romantic Philosophies” or something. (Is this not sad? I’m really trying to insert some $5 words into that fake title and couldn’t muster it up. Quixotic. There.)
He didn’t really need to worry.The only reason why I watched was because I though Doc’s jokes were funny.
I didn’t really get what a “night cap” was, which is what was always offered before a woman invited a man to her cabin. (Um, I still don’t. Isn’t it just a drink? It’s not a euphemism for booty, is it?) And I do still remember this episode where “Bobbi,” played by a woman, used to be a male college roommate of Gopher’s, and seemed sincere in insisting that things never quite felt right to the flabbergasted Gopher, till he got the change.
All of that went way over my head.
On Father’s Day, we walked across the Brooklyn Bridge, because that’s what my mother wanted to do. (We usually do what my mom wants to do.) She wanted to walk it, because it’s supposed to be one of those quintessential New York activities. Once we got to the other side, I said, “So what did you think, Mom?”
She shrugged and said. “No big deal.”
But to be honest, my blase mother said the same thing when she visited the Great Wall in China, which made my cousin Aimee laugh, because apparently the Great Wall is pretty great.
Okay, I am worldly enough now to know that Larry King is not trying to be a serious news source, but he is, at least, an adult, right? Apparently, he just interviewed the Jonas Brothers and announced that Nick Jonas and Miley Cyrus are back together. Woo hoo! Letâ€™s hear it for hard-hitting journalism! This story totally made me laugh.
Ugh, this poor kid. Twilight is so popular that the guy who played the romantic lead has drawn the attention of rabid devotion. Did you hear? He’s in NYC to film a movie and has like five body guards but girls still come up to him and hug him till he chokes. He actually ran away from a mob and got hit by a cab today as a result. what the hell! And I thought I was feeling harassed today. I hope he doesn’t lose his mind. I think I would.
And not to take away from him, b/c he’s cute and all, but certainly not cuter than the popular kid in high school or that guy who was in “Dead Poets Society,” but what is up with this intense attention? Creepy.
* Soy ice cream tastes like chaulking material (at least the stuff in our house).
* In the suburbs, someone is always out mowing their lawn. (Subway congestion annoys me, but I forgot about the annoying sound of lawn mowing.)
I am extremely fortunate in that I have wonderful friends who make me laugh, listen to my BS, and support me in countless ways. This post is not about that. This post is a shout-out to friends who have lifted heavy objects on my behalf, because really, what express love better than manual labor?
* My friend Mike helped me and my parents lift a 1950s desk from the basement to the end of the driveway when they moved out of NJ. It felt like the entire thing was filled with cement. It was the kind of heavy where it flattened your hand completely. Thanks Mike!
* My cousin Aimee and Husband helped carry one of the largest and heaviest TVs I’ve ever seen from my parents to my apartment so that Husband could enjoy ESPN that much more. That thing was so heavy and the look of pain so real on the faces of my cousin and Husband that I started to laugh during a tenuous part of the journey. Almost dropped it! Weee! Thanks Cousin! Thanks Husband!
* When my folks moved in to their new place, I wanted to help make it feel homey so recruited friends like Kara, Aimee, Tom, Joslyn, Martin, and Husband to paint the place a butter yellow. Thanks people!
* Honorable mention to Becca. The night of my wedding I lost my wedding band because it was too big. Becca, noble friend, left her home and went back to the wedding venue to search for it to no avail, but still she tried. Thanks Becca!
If you are a good friend of mine and feel neglected by not being included in this list, don’t worry. There are many ways to express friendship. And if still not satisfied, I can let you know the next time there’s an opportunity to lift a heavy object in my life.
My mother is sometimes creative and funny without meaning to be. Most of the people in my family laugh at how blunt she is, but she said a couple of weird things to me today that I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to take, though I laughed at of them. Is she insulting me or complimenting me? Examples to follow.
Example 1: “Your earring matches your dot.”
She was comparing my purple studs to the dots on my arm. Huh?
Answer: Neither, she says. This was just an observation. Um, okay.
Example 2: “Your hair looks like gim.”
(In case you don’t know what that is, gim is seaweed in Korean food.)
When I said, WHAT, she said, my hair looks black and shiny, you know, like gim, in a good way. Again, WHAT? Who would say that to people? What if I said your hair is like paella. Would you be insulted?
Example 3: “Did you cut your own bangs? I can tell.”
Answer: Insult. Definitely. And really, when I cut my bangs, it looks like I used construction paper scissors on my hair, so I think it’s totally fine to make fun of my hair. I agree.
Once, I was eating lunch with my friend Alex at La Zie in Chelsea. Suddenly, he got very still. Actually, we were both try to act terribly cool but felt very excited.
“Celebrity. 12 o’clock. See him?”
“Totally. He’s eating with his family.”
“Yeah, there are like kids galore at his table.”
He turned and looked to see whom I was talking about because that didn’t make sense with whom he had seen, and turns out we were excited to see two very different famous people.
“Who are you talking about?”
“Andy Richter. Who are you talking about?”
Edmund White had just gotten a book reviewed by the New York Times Book Review, I think Rimbaud: The Double Life of a Rebel, which Alex loved. Andy Richter was the goofy sidekick on the old “Conan” (and the new one too apparently). His significant body of work includes keeping a straight face in staring contests with Conan, while they tried to distract him with like large, dancing chickens. He also played Borat’s boyfriend in “Talladega Nights.”
We were both like “Who is he.” Neither of us knew the other person’s celebrity. Sad moment in friendship.