Tina’s ProcrastiNation Palace

Last night, Becca said she was tired of the fake Jason Bateman fans, that she’s been a fan since Silver Spoons, and I like dropped my jaw. I love it. It’s exactly like when she went off on Gwyneth Paltrow for being fluent in Spanish, and it’s just further proof she is not a droid doing human recon work. She’s actually a human. Wear your freak flag proudly, my friends.

I went to a three-year-old birthday party and announced my secret to parenthood: the right balance of hydration, caffeination, and inebriation. I think some dads actually applauded. Then the host said I sounded like Hunter S. Thompson. I was totally zinged. Deserved. I came in with a lot of self-important bravado and was introduced to my inner douche-nozzle.

When I’m low, I think what would make me happier? in the most recent spirit snafu, the sentence in my head was “What if I were Julie Delphy? Would be happy?” She is extremely successful, world-renown, and yet like not too famous as to get overwhelmed, and she writes, directs, etc. — and she’s French. Like that seems like the perfect recipe for happiness, right? i rented this movie on Amazon and it’s not bad, very indie. It’s possible her mother passed away, because the protagonist’s mother’s death is kind of an undercurrent, and I thought, it is so wonderful to be a writer. I am so lucky I write. You can make up whatever you need, you put events you don’t understand in your life, that overwhelm you, and you put it in a story and make it all meaningful. It is such a pain in the arse, but what a gift too.

This was a cool interview I just read with this former child star. When I was growing up, I actually found her annoying — beautiful but clueless about her privilege, not quite truthful in her acting. I may have been more critical because she was personally into alternative culture, considered my turf (by me) in high school. I think in the 90s, she briefly dated Beck, which enraged my friend Alex, the way the fact Gwyneth Paltrow speaks flawless Spanish pisses my friend Becca off. It is like a really specific annoying.

But in this interview, after all of Winona Ryder’s troubles (a long break from acting and the fame scene, after caught shoplifting with a lot of prescription drugs on her), she is slowly breaking into acting again and there is something very humble about her presence (I don’t know if it’s reflected in her acting), more mature, so I find her very appealing in this interview. Plus, she is sooooo of a certain era. She says her hero was Maude in “Harold and Maude.” How long has it been since you heard that title? She seems like she’s in this retro bubble. I thought the whole business side was fascinating. When she was a kid, she was considered ugly by Hollywood standards and was regularly told by casting directors to quit, because she was far too ugly. She credits her parents and Tim Burton for these kinds of comments to just roll off and not crush her ego.

When I read King Lear in high school, Cordelia bugged the crap out of me. She was the youngest daughter, the one King Lear loved the most, and she adored him right back. He holds a contest for his daughters to compete on who could say how much they loved him the best, in order to settle the matter of his will. Regan and Goneril tore it up, laying it on extra thick, but Cordelia remained completely mute. Enraged, Dad gives her the boot and gives the other two evil sisters his power and land…I was always like DUDE, OPEN YOUR MOUTH! But then, there would be no play I suppose. So if I hate this, y ou’d think I was pretty gabby (which…I am) but the work world, I have turned into a Cordelia!!! So bad! I am really uncomfortable going for the jugular or saying stuff I don’t really agree with, but I’m trying to learn. Corporate America likes Regan and Goneril! Business Don’ts: Don’t Be the OFfice Cordelia. Thank you.

I met this lovely writer at a Christmas party and never got around to posting this. She’s written a bunch of YA books and l ives off of writing. I told her I was very impressed at how much she’s accomplished, especially when I can’t bear to write. My own YA attempt is on draft number five. Surely, that means, give up (except not really). She told me quite sternly-in-a-friendly- way that it takes a lot of time and revision to figure out how you write a book and that her first took 17 drafts. That made me feel, oddly, inspired. Anyway, I’ve read almost all her books. Prom and Prejudice is my favorite; the way Shakespeare elevates actors, Austen just elevates writers. Her books hit that right YA formula — enough plot to keep you guessing, delayed romantic gratification, and a female protagonist who carries the modern writer’s feminist intentions.

ME: See you later, alligator
FIRST SON: In a while, alligator
ME: Uh…

Dudes and dudettes, check out the incredible spirit of Tilda Swinton here. Here is at Ebertfest, conducting a dancelong, what she called a spiritual service in honor of the recently passed Roger Ebert. She is accompanied by Ebert’s widow (I can’t remember her name but she is a big-shot Chicago lawyer, whom Ebert credits for giving his life so much joy. He fell for her children and grandchildren, and has said it just opened his world up in a way he did not know about. Having read about his recent stuff — disfiguring cancer that took his voice box, his appearance, and his will to live, which he pulled through thanks to her [she promised if he lived, she would find things for him that would make life worth living] — I rather like him. He has a strong passion for film, his family, and just seemed pretty happy in the end.) Anyway, when I saw this video it was accompanied by text that said Tilda Swinton is an alien, but when I watched this I thought how Swinton seems to be a pretty nice person, pretty happy with an expansive spirit, which just makes me want to quit everything and figure out how to be that expansive again.

Normally, don’t care for Jason Mraz. He’s like a wet sock in terms of music, but they re-wrote his sappy love song for Sesame STreet. and I freaking love it! The perfect song to me is the meeting of the right words with the right music, here, it’s when he talks about how awesome the earth is and you’re surrounded by love. I EAT THIS UP! Click here. The values promoted by Sesame Street are so unlike those of Corporate America. It’s wonderful.

P.S. First Son has long since moved on so I have to listen to this song by myself. Quel Sad.

I stumbled across this behind the scenes video for Madonna’s Confessions tour, and for whatever reason, I was so inspired by hard she and her crew works. She doesn’t have a great voice, but she takes care of it so that she can sustain a two-hour show with dancing. I will say though she is an awesome dancer. When I watch her rehearsing dance numbers surrounded by twentysomethings, I am floored at how she still moves with precision and energy – the lady is FIFTY-something. I can’t even walk up stairs without my knees hurting. But the other parts of the tour are impressive as well – the videos, concepts, costumes, the song remixes to fit into the show. Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers (never read it) says those on top work harder than anyone else, and I believe it.